


Absolution

by Evvienna



Category: British Actor RPF, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Catholic, Church Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Forbidden Love, Inner voice, Love Confessions, Priest Kink, Requited Love, Self-Doubt, church
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-19
Updated: 2014-09-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 00:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2328761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evvienna/pseuds/Evvienna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A woman enounters an attractive young Priest and falls in love, though she knows their love stands no chance. Or does it in the end?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolution

I´m not a religious person, but I have always liked churches. It calms me just to sit there, inhale history and that I´m feeling so little in the face of it. I like the massive, cool stonewalls that surround me like a safe haven. I like the silence, the subtle scent of myrrh and olibanum. The hypnotic chants that go along with the fulminating play of the organ. The heavy gold framed paintings and stone statues, both equally beautiful and often cruel in their display. I find it to be very awe-inspiring and very beautiful.

I like the idea of people coming here to pray for whatever it is they pray for. Their loved ones, their own well-being, forgiveness, mercy, love, luck or even money, some in silent prayer, some with desperate hand-wringing. It doesn´t matter where you come from, what´s your story or what was in your past. In a church, when we talk to God, we are all beggars and sinners, we are all the same.

I remember the day I first saw him very clearly. It was a Summer´s day, late afternoon and I had been to my favourite little church again, as I do every now and then.  
Father Peter walked through the church garden along with a cleric I had never seen before.  
The young man caught my and obviously other women´s attention quickly. He was tall and slim and had such a beautiful face that it seemed a terrible waste on a man of faith.  
His bright blue eyes lit up when he talked, he gestured lively and smiled at everyone who walked past, but always attentive to Father Peter during their conversation. 

When they said their goodbyes, I heard opportunity knocking and went straight over to Father Peter. “Ah, my dear, I have not seen you here in a while,” he smiled, “have you had time to read that passage from the Bible we talked about?”  
“Um, no, sorry, Father, you know how life goes… I´m always so busy and reading… well I do read, but the bible is not one of the books on my list right now.” A bad excuse really, but religion interested me only from a historical point of view, and I didn´t want to argue with Father Peter again.  
“So, who is that young priest you´ve been talking to?” I tried to look as uninterested as possible.  
“Oh, that´s Father Thomas, I invited him over from London because I deem him a great successor when I retire.” A quick smile flickered over his face. “I´m very enthusiastic about him, he is a bright and promising young man and very popular in his current community.”  
I bet, I thought to myself, that he´s popular with that gorgeous face and that sexy little ass.  
“And, when will he be back here? I´d just like to introduce myself and see if maybe he can raise my interest in religion?” I winked at Father Peter.  
“A task I have truly failed at…” he chuckled, “but if someone can make you a frequent church-goer, it is him.”

Later that week I went to the church again. I was a bit nervous, I knew he would be there and I really wanted to make a good first impression. You are pathetic, my inner voice scoffed at me when I put on a light floral summer dress. A dress, you of all people! To impress a man who lives in celibacy and will only see you as one of his flock. Daddy issues, anyone? Pathetic, that´s what you are, and even more a desperate bitch if you try to hit on a man like that. Well, thank you for your encouragement, but now shut up, inner voice. I was ready to go anyway.

The weather was warm and sunny and despite of what my torturing self-doubt had told me before, I felt confident in my dress. Fuck it, I felt goddamn beautiful, and so I placed myself next to father Peter on the bench near the church lawn and tried to look all sophisticated and hot.  
Father Thomas was there, playing football with some school boys. He was totally lost in the game, he rollicked with the kids, laughed and jumped and high-fived them when they scored. He was a delight to watch, so energetic and happy. It was only then when I noticed how harmonic and elegant his moves were, but manly, in spite of those alarmingly long legs.  
I sat with Father Peter on the bench, watching Thomas´ every move while I was busy pretending to be interested in old priest´s post-retirement plans.

After what seemed forever, Thomas came over to us, wiping his sweaty forehead with the back of his hand, rolling up his sleeves and walking in such a smooth way I had to actively stop my jaw from dropping.  
“Thomas, this is the young lady I told you about… I think she needs something more convincing than the words of an old geezer to come to church more often.”  
I blushed.  
What the actual fuck? They had talked about me?  
“Hello, I´m Thomas. Well, I cannot work wonders, but I will try my absolute best to make your dominical church visits more tolerable.” He spoke with a soft, enchanting voice.  
As he reached out to shake my hand, he smiled at me with the brightest, biggest smile I had ever seen in my life. In addition, his baby blue eyes, framed by those long eyelashes, were simply hypnotizing.  
The grip of his big but delicate hand was a lot stronger than expected. An almost inaudible ”Hi” was all I was able to produce, along with an idiotic smile.  
That´s it, game over. I want him. And his babies. Now!  
The craziest, most impossible scenarios ran through my head as I sat and watched the two men talk.  
Stop it, you miserable whore, I heard my inner voice nagging. Never going to happen! You´ll just sit at home again, masturbating to him and crying in your wine glass, like you always do when you lust after another inaccessible man. Harsh, but true. I sighed.  
“Are you alright?” That voice again. I nearly fainted. Thomas looked at me, with an emphatic expression. He looked at me so directly that I was overwhelmed, pierced by it.  
“Sorry, I was absorbed in thought…” I honestly admitted, “yeah, I´m okay. I´m just a bit busy right now and I remembered a million things I yet have to get done today.”  
Yes, like masturbating to you like a maniac. Oh stop it, inner voice, though you speak the blatant truth.  
“Oh well, then I have to abandon the thought of you helping me at the flea market next Saturday… I would have needed a good salesperson…Father Peter said you could sell a comb to a bald man… ” The way he winked and smirked, I could not interpret it.  
“Oh, Saturday… erm, Saturday… yes, I can totally help you, I just remembered, that day is free, I mean I`m free then. When and where?”  
I was not even embarrassed by how quickly I accepted.  
“That´s fantastic. Let us exchange phone numbers. We´ll talk about the details tomorrow. But expect it to be a very early morning excercise on Saturday.”

So, Saturday came. We had a lot of work with getting the whole sale up and running, but we proved to be a good team at selling people old plunder and making them feel like they had purchased real treasures. And we had a blast at it.  
In some situations, I watched him talking to people and it did not stay undetected to me that he had an exceptionally good way with the ladies. He downright bewitched them, and they went into his trap so willingly. How unusual for a man of the church, I thought to myself, but charming, very, very charming. And breathtakingly sexy.

It was around 10pm when we had finished clearing the leavings and finally came to sit in the kitchen of the residential area of the church.  
“We did extraordinarily well today,” Thomas said, sounding a tiny bit self-satisfied, “we earned good money, and God knows this church needs it. Don´t you think we should celebrate and allow ourselves a glass of wine?”  
“Oh, absolutely, “ I acknowledged, “as long as we don´t drink all the mass wine and get ourselves in trouble…” I smiled ambiguously.  
Thomas also smiled, but mildly.  
“Those days are long gone.” He exhaled, stretched out his long legs and intertwined his fingers behind his head.  
Now I got curious.  
“Those days?” For the first time in ages I was truly interested in someone´s life story. Usually, for what reason ever, people bore me with their endless stories, burden me with their problems and mistake my silence for interest or empathy. It´s not that I´m the complete bitch I sound like, I just seem to attract those people in need most when I´m able to offer help the least.  
“I found the path of faith when I was already 25 years old,” he began, his eyes down on the floor, as if he was ashamed of his late calling for some reason.  
“I was trapped in a life of addiction, a life in the fast lane. Everything I did, alcohol, drugs, sex, and lots of it, I did to fill a void inside of me. And that void that just could not be filled. I won´t assign the blame on anybody; the choices were mine and mine alone. But I was truly empty until I opened myself to God.”  
He ran his long fingers though his short, accurately cut, but after a long day a bit messy, ginger hair.  
God, I knew it. Of course, I felt real sympathy for him, but it was quickly topped by the excitement that my gut instincts had not completely forsaken me. The way he talked to those women on the market, those little gestures and looks, those were not the actions of a man who was completely inexperienced with women and totally unaware of his good looks.  
At this moment all I wanted to do was to jump on his lap, shake him and scream: I am all you need! I´ll fill all the voids! I´m here to love you! And now fuck me on this table!  
But this man opened up to me so gladly, that I could not bear to take advantage of him. At least not now.

The wine tasted a bit stale and there was not nearly enough of it to make me brave, so I was happy just to sit with Thomas and talk for a few hours. And savor his perfect beauty from a safe little distance, across the table.

When I made my turn to leave, Thomas rose from his seat, went over to me and hugged me tightly. “It was so nice talking to you, “ he said softly, his breath caressing my ear conch.  
I was instantly aroused. I hugged back, even tighter, probably a little tighter than he expected, but he persisted. So we stood there and embraced, for minutes.  
“I hope we´ll repeat this very soon.”  
Then he let go of me and I felt like I had lost something.  
“So do I, “ I shyly replied and quickly pecked him on the cheek. That was all I dared before I rushed out of the door.  
Back home I frantically masturbated for three times in a row and still, neither my confused brain nor my overheated body would grant me satisfaction.

 

So, that is your plan, to go to Sunday mass and lurk about him like a lovesick, needy creep? Very attractive, indeed. My inner voice, once again, made me question myself.  
I´ll go and see what happens, if anything happens at all, I thought, but there was something between us, I could feel it. At least I would be in a proper mass for the first time after years, if nothing else, it would get me a little advantage for purgatory.

Church was full, as expected. How obvious people are. Those who were not there to swoon (women, in clear majority) were there to get a peek at the possible new Father to slag him afterwards over lunch.  
I gazed at his delicately chiseled facial features as he stood at the recess and preached passionately about altruism and charity.  
The only charity I can think of is giving you a blowjob while you´re standing behind that altar baby, I caught myself daydreaming. Short giggle, then remorse. Okay, forget about purgatory, I´m going to hell directly.

When mass was over, people, or should I say women, rushed over to Thomas to congratulate him on his brilliant preaching, giggling and trying to chum up with him, acting all overly enthusiastic, almost throwing themselves at him. It was an embarrassing spectacle. They closed in on him and as much as he tried to stay friendly, he looked frightened.  
I stood in a distance, watching and feeling sorry for him. Everything told me to go over and ask him if he wanted to have some coffee together, but I dared not to piss off his fervent flock.  
His look went over their heads, which was easy considering his impressive height, in search for a way out, when our eyes met.  
We smiled at each other, and for a moment, I thought I could see him rolling his eyes just a little and I chuckled. He waved quickly not to bring too much attention to me and mimicked talking on a mobile phone, his mouth forming the words “I´ll call you later”.  
I nodded and my heart jumped.  
If the looks I received from some of the ladies had worked, I would have immediately dropped dead.  
So I went home without saying good bye and sat by the phone, waiting for his call.

“A lot of the things you told me that evening after our flea market sale touched me and made me question some of my life choices. “  
I heard Thomas nodding approvingly on the other side of the phone.  
“Do not expect me to become a believer in an instant, but maybe talking to you helps me to reconsider my behavior and to get on a better way.”  
So on top of being a lewd whore, I was also an impertinent liar.  
It was true that he had touched me by opening to me and letting me know his story, but in truth, I wanted to strip his clothes off even more, and that as soon as possible.  
“May I suggest something bold then?” I held my breath. He wasn´t going to… or was he?  
“Sure,“ I stammered, “I´m always in for bold things.” Oh what a bad joke and helpless attempt of hiding the fact that my panties just melted off.  
Thomas chuckled. “Why don´t you come to church then tomorrow evening and let me hear your confession.” 

The next day was one of the longest days I ever had to live through. My nerves were all on edge. I just wanted it to be evening, even though I was terrified of this intimate encounter.  
I would lay bare in front of him, and not necessarily in the way I wanted to. 

 

The church was silent and empty when I entered. My steps echoed louder than I felt comfortable with.  
Thomas came out of the registry, looking so stunning in his black full-length robe and that formal white collar.  
He welcomed me with a clement smile and open arms. I shivered as he hugged me and led me to the confessional box.  
“This is a big step,“ he looked at me expectantly, “are you ready?”  
My deep sigh was my only answer.  
We stepped into the cabin, each one at his own side and closed our doors.  
Thomas opened the little barred window between us and started.  
His voice, once again, caused me to tremble, its softness was so teasing.  
“In the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost, amen.”  
Fuck, that was so sexy.  
I had to concentrate hard to think of the correct lines. Was it my turn now to say something?  
“When was your last confession?”  
“I don´t quite remember, so it must be some time ago. But I now regret my sins.”  
Absolutely no doubt, I really will go to hell after this.  
“So begin then.”  
“Well… “ I didn´t quite know how to start. I was on my way to doom anyway, so why didn´t I just jump right in?  
“This is the time and place for absolute honesty, is it not?”  
“It is. Don´t be afraid, nothing you tell me will ever leave this box, not even my mouth.”  
“I have sinned, variously and a lot, but there is something that really troubles me, that doesn´t let me sleep in the night and keeps my mind occupied during the day.”  
“Go on.“  
I secretly waited for him to call me `my child´ for some reason. Somehow I would have found that to be a huge turn-on.  
“I know it´s wrong to feel that way, and that I shouldn´t, but I cannot fight my heart. Or my body, in that case.” I was a bit overacting, but the end justified the means.  
“Speak freely now.”  
Thomas was still patient and obviously unimpressed of my dramatic beginning.  
“Since we met I can´t think of anything else than to be with you.”  
There, I said it. And I was happy this grating was between us. I wouldn´t have wanted him to seem my blushing face.

Silence on the other side. I got terrified. Would he throw me out now? Shout? Laugh at me?  
“You know there is no way for me. I really want you in my future community, as a valued member and I hope as a dear friend. You are a wonderful and sensitive woman, and beautiful too. There are a lot of men who´d be lucky to have you by their sides.”  
Okay, it was time to turn up the game if I wanted to succeed.  
But actually, it was not only about seducing that gorgeous specimen of a man, I really liked him. I wouldn´t have tested him so perfidiously if it wasn´t so.  
I let my finger slip through the grating, as if I wanted to touch him, which I actually did, but more to enforce my words.  
“Thomas, I can´t help it. There are no other men that come even remotely close to you… I dream of you, I fantasize about you, you are all I can think of…”  
A deep sigh came from the other side.  
“Please… you know there is something between us… that night, when we sat and talked I felt us to be so close and then, when you held me before I left… don´t deny you felt this immense attraction.”  
“Oh love, “ he moaned, “of course I sensed it. But I cannot allow myself to feel that way.”

At this very moment, like on that specific night, I was talking to the man, not the priest.  
“What I would give to feel your touch now …” I groaned softly, jamming my fingers in the grating.  
“We can´t, really…” Thomas had trouble concentrating, clearly, I heard him nervously fiddling with his collar. And he didn´t sound very convincing.  
It was time to play my last trump.  
“If God gave us emotions like love and desire, they can´t be that wrong, don´t you think”?  
My longing tone did not miss its mark.  
“Oh Thomas, let me come over there and kiss you…”  
A few breaths passed, I had almost given up when suddenly I felt his fingers, intertwining with mine through the grating, followed by quick soft kisses on my knuckles.  
I silently slipped out from my side of the box and within a blink I was in his.

We looked at each other, still hesitant, but secretly we both knew what we wanted most right now.  
I lowered on him, one leg on each side of his lap, which was kind of a balancing act in that tiny space on an even tinier chair.  
Thomas voice broke the silence. “You know, I really like you, you almost have me fancying you.”  
The ice was broken and I giggled. He obviously started to relax.  
“Yeah, that´s what I do.”  
“What? Seducing priests?” I liked him being cheeky.  
“Only those who are ready and willing.”  
“And willing, I am. More than that.”

That was my cue. Starting with entangle his neck with my arms, I descended on his mouth hungrily, not waiting for any further invitation or permission.  
Our lips parted, our tongues touched, playing with each other, exploring, I heard his breath quicken, soft groans fleeing from his throat, as they did from mine.  
My fingers ran though his full hair, his one hand stroked up my back, the other came to lay on my ass, where I felt it applying soft pressure.  
His grip got tighter as I started to grind my pelvis onto his, his kisses deepened; his coarse sounds of excitement turned me on even more.  
Thomas removed his collar, unbuttoned his frock and slipped out of the sleeves laboriously.  
As soon as he had freed himself of the churchly barrier, he sat there in a tight white T-Shirt and I could not look away. His body was of a slim but muscular build, his shoulders broad, his long arms defined and it all made him look so strong and masculine.

He took off my shirt, tossed it to the ground, first staring into my eyes with raging lust, then devouring my breasts with his eyes, grabbing them, cupping them tightly, which made my nipples hard as little pebbles. Through the lace fabric of my bra, he started to first suck one, then the other, before he softly nibbled them.  
I moaned with pleasure as I tousled his hair.  
His shirt was the next piece of clothing on the ground. I let my fingers glide over his torso, over the sparse, curly chest hair and twirled his rosy nipples with my fingers as I pursued to kiss him enthusiastically.

 

A massive bulge had built in his tight black trousers and I reached down to squeeze it gently. Thomas inhaled sharply, as I continued to caress over the thin material.  
My hands fumbled a bit to get his huge cock out of its fabric cage, and when it finally stood in front of me, I had to swallow.  
Wow, what an impressive dick that was, and really pretty too. To ride that will be lots of fun, I thought. Literally fulfilling.  
I caressed it with care, slowly moving my hand up and down, teasing he tip, but not too tenderly. His groans told me I was doing everything right.  
“Turn around, “ he commanded in a harsh tone, so I rose, turned around and sat back on his lap, spreading my legs widely in anticipation of his touch.  
His mouth found my neck, passionately kissing it, his lips adhering to it. Both of his hands pressing my tits again, roughly squeezing my nipples, until finally his right hand moved its way down, and slipped in under my skirt.  
Swiftly it entered my panties where my flooding wetness welcomed him. His subtle fingers instantly searched for my erect clit and started stroking it rhythmically, softly.  
I leaned back and turned my face towards him, sucking his tongue into my mouth, so hungry for his intense kiss.  
The time for foreplay was definitely over for me, I feared to orgasm too soon, thanks to his skillful fingers. I raised my hips, reached for his cock, led it to my dripping opening and let it sink in completely.  
We both gave a loud, lustful groan.  
My moves were slow at first, I could not move much though, there simply was no space to do so, but I picked up the pace with our growing excitement. After a short interrupt, Thomas continued to rub my clit, but harder now, unflinching, in the same rhythm as my thrusts worked his cock. This man was determined to make me come.  
As he sank his teeth into my neck in a playful but solid bite, I felt my orgasm overwhelm me. I shook, I convulsed and I almost let out a scream, had Thomas not used his left hand to firmly cover my mouth to muffle it.  
It was not a second after I had come, when he stood up, not letting his throbbing cock leave its tight soft sheath, and pressed me against the wooden wall, forcing my legs apart.  
He drove in me from behind, continuously, almost tearing me with his size, breathing heavily into my ear.  
“I almost forgot how incredible this feels…” he whispered, “and because of you, I will never forget again.”  
His thrusts grew faster, both his hands holding on to my hips, as his body tensed.  
When he came, his aroused groans peaked into a sustained quaky outcry, and his hot gush erupted and filled me up inside.  
We sank onto the chair, panting, clinging to each other. This was what bliss must feel like. 

“That´s the best kind of absolution I can imagine…” I softly whispered into his ear.  
Thomas placed a tender kiss on my lips, laid his forehead on mine.  
“I am so confused… I was so sure on my way and then you come and knock everything over…”  
The way he looked at me, so lost, so troubled, it almost hurt me.  
“The heart wants what the heart wants…” I said apologetically, and wiped a strand of wavy ginger hair out his heated face, “but you have to make a choice at this point, and not one that is easily made.”  
He knew that, and so did I. But I dreaded his answer, so I kept talking.  
“You have to decide if this was the beginning or the end of something beautiful. “ It sounded so easy when I said it, but it felt strangely painful inside.

He nodded slowly, exhaling, looking jaded, a very different look than I had expected on a man who had just experienced the most delicious pleasure with a woman he claimed to really like.  
“I believe we should sleep over this… but anyway, this was perfectly wonderful and I will never forget it.”  
As we picked up our clothes and got dressed again, I followed his moves and tried to read the expression of his face. He avoided my looks.  
We stepped out of the box, and he hugged me a last time, very tightly.  
“We´ll talk soon my love. I wish you a good night. Sleep well, because I certainly won´t.”  
I snuggled up to him one last time, inhaled his sweet scent. 

On my way home, I repeated his last sentences in my mind over and over again and my heart completely tore apart when I realized: It was his way of saying good bye.

However, that was before the phone rang, his number showing on the display.


End file.
